


It was only a kiss

by Gospodjicamesec



Category: Benedict Cumberbatch - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-03 02:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gospodjicamesec/pseuds/Gospodjicamesec
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anna is a young  theater director who got her big cut recently. Her dream of working with big names such as Benedict Cumberbatch came true. But, she is keeping a secret all to herself, that could potentially ruin everything. Plus was that kiss really necessary?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

-You…you kissed me. Don’t you remember?  
She raised the look from the dirty dishes she was putting in the dishwasher. She was doing them mostly to keep her hands occupied and to have an excuse not to stare at him. He was sitting in one of her ruined chairs, clasping the cup of tea she insisted on making him, for whatever reason. Now, she regretted for insisting on that. This will have to be one of those I-am-too-young-and-ordinary-for-you conversations where she will have to tell him he has to get out of her apartment. She will have to be mature and dead serious and not give in to temptation. How could she when all she can focus on right now are his long fingers around that cup? If they touched her, she would crumble down right in front of him. But, she promised herself she would be dignified and proud of herself.  
-Anna, are you listening to me?  
-Yes, Benedict. I’m listening to you.   
Only in that moment it hit her. Benedict Cumberbatch was sitting in her apartment wanting to discuss the fact she kissed him. Her life indeed has changed. She smiled to herself and he looked even more confused by this turn of events.   
-Ok, what’s going on? - Benedict stared at her and Anna had to mentally applaud herself for not allowing him to take her right there on that chair or table. - Why are you laughing?  
-Why on Earth are you here?  
-Because you kissed me.  
She put down the final plate in the dishwasher and turned to him. Even before she personally met him, she was always fascinated by his eyes. What the fans said was true, they did change color by the second. Now, they were the darkest shade of green. She has never seen them like that and she could feel her skin burning up. Somehow, with visibly shaky hands she started the machine and gave herself a moment to recollect. He was the most desirable man, but she was Anna Martinson, the new hope of British Theater. In no way will this be easy for him.  
-Benedict, you are voted the world’s sexiest man alive.   
-How is that related to our situation?  
-First of all, there is no situation. Just a nervous kiss. Secondly, you have been kissed before and with that title in mind, you will be kissed me. I’m sure those kisses were and will be more pleasurable than mine.   
-How can you know how I felt during it?  
This question made her spill the coffee she put on the kitchen counter all over her hands. Before she could stop it, she let out a little scream of pain. She could hear him rushing from his chair, knocking it down. Her unharmed palm pointed at him stopped him at his step.   
-Are you ok?- He managed to ask and she got an unexplainable feeling in her stomach because of the fact he sounded genuinely concerned, not just out of curiosity.   
-I’m fine. It’s not the first time I spilled hot liquid on myself.   
-I was under the impression you’ve done it on purpose to prevent us from having this conversation.  
She couldn’t help but grin ironically at this statement.   
-Would you be so kind to pick up that chair you knocked down while you rushed over to me in panic and sit down so we could have the conversation you so desire?  
Anna pulled the hand from under the cold water and walked over to the table where Benedict already sat. She sat across him and looked him in the eye. None of them knew how long were they going to just sit like that, staring at each other too scared or not scared enough to say something, anything at all. It was Benedict who finally broke the silence.  
-Are you sure your hand is alright?  
-It’s fine. - She said shortly and then they went back to staring at each other in silence. She noticed he was wearing the black cardigan. THE black cardigan. She remembered some dirty smut about him and Tom Hiddlestion. Why would she do that to herself? It was hard enough staring at him as it is. He sighed and she looked at him significantly.   
-You enjoy this, don’t you? - He asked to which she made a questioning face. – You take great pleasure in keeping me stranded and making me question your motivation.   
-Do you always have to talk like you’re from another time? Is it such a professional deformation?  
-Anna…- He looked annoyed so she finally gave in to having a conversation.   
-I am going to ask you again and I expect an honest answer. Why are you here?  
-I told you. Because of the kiss.  
-Don’t lie to me. This isn’t just about the kiss, Benedict; I told you I know that. Why don’t you change your answer?  
He looked away and took a sip of tea. She assumed it was cold by now and he was using it the same way she was using dishes couple of minutes ago: to avoid looking at her.  
-All those girls you talk about.Those that I kissed and who kissed me back… They’re not you.   
She opened her mouth to give another sarcastic and witty comment, but realized the sound she was up to make would be combination of groaning, sighing and weeping. Also, she couldn’t just ogle at him with her mouth open. So, she got up and opened the tap and felt the cold water washing on her burn.   
-I would think that’s the advantage to those girls in this matter. Or any other, actually.   
-Why would you say that?   
-Because they’re not 25 year old virgins whose self confidence level depends on what some silly teenager who would rather be shagging at the back of his father’s car than watch a play about Great War has to say about their works. Those girls love the spotlight and they get it. - She furiously wiped the tear that started forming in her eye and turned to Benedict. - I sit in the back row, trying to fight with all those who think that I’m too young to understand the pain and the suffering I'm writing about. I am sitting behind my computer at 3AM, writing because I can’t fall asleep. You want to know what I kissed you? I kissed you before my first play after college has been set up at British National Theater. I was a nervous wreck and you were there. I am sorry if you got the wrong impression of it, but that’s all there was.  
-You are one of the best directors I had an opportunity to work with. Anyone who has you’re not hasn't got a clue what he’s talking about. – Benedict walked over to her and turned the tap off. He brushed his hands against her waist and his face was just an inch from hers with their foreheads touching. They were both breathing heavily and she couldn’t take it anymore. She kissed him again. Only this time it wasn’t about her being nervous and him being there. This was about her wanting him and him being there. His fingers found a way under her shirt and she felt how cold they actually were. 

-Relax. It’ll be fine.  
-I don’t want to, Michael.   
His cold fingers were on her thigh and moving up, while his lips were on her neck. It was not at all what she wanted, not with him, not like this. She tried to push him away from her, but he was way too strong.  
-You little bitch! - He screamed out when she bit him. – You’re going to make me work for it, aren’t you?  
When he pushed her down on her stomach and pulled her hair, she knew it was about to happen. She heard the zipper of his jeans opening and…Everything hurt.

-Stop! Just stop it, please. - Benedict stopped kissing her and moved away from her completely. Anna collapsed to the floor, not caring at all if all of her previous attempts not to let go in front of anyone, especially Benedict, have been destroyed. He looked at her confused and worried from the other side of the kitchen.  
-Are you alright? What’s going on?  
-Go away. - She hissed at him. – Just get out of here, now!  
-Why? What is happening?  
-Go away before I say something I’ll regret. Faster.  
She waited to hear the sound of the front door opening and then closing before she finally let herself do what she hasn’t done in ages but should have: cry. Oh God, it felt so good.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is finally starting to accept his feelings for Anna, but she has other problems. Sarah is there and Ben needs somebody.

During her time of working on the play, Anna got used to all the paparazzi in front of the theatre. At first it was strange, mostly because she has been trying to keep a low profile almost her entire life. But, the moment she realized there were they’re not there for her, but rather for Benedict and other important actors, she relaxed around them. She would pass next to them, with no response for them at all. It was alright, she didn’t want that kind of attention anyway.   
Same went this morning. She passed decent file of photographers and went into the main hall for rehearsals. As usual, she was the first one who showed up for work. She left her stuff on her favorite seat in the crowd and went to the café to get coffee.  
She heard his voice. Quite frankly, it was impossible not to. But, in no way was she ready to face him yet. So she sneaked back to the hall without the coffee.  
Anna was relieved to see that everybody was late. It was Monday and she assumed they’re all still curing hangovers and headaches from last night. Unlike her, other people had life.   
Heavy front door opened up and he stepped in, carrying two cups of coffee in his hands.  
-Good morning. - He greeted her and gave her one cup. - Mary from the café told me you drink just black coffee. No sugar or milk, right?  
-Thank you, Benedict.  
She didn’t want to know whether he heard her roaming around or did he simply know there is no other place she would be in the morning.  
-Why do you like theatre so much? - He asked, sitting next to her.  
She was little surprised by a question, but that was one of her favorite topics.   
-I believe it’s the place where all arts come to meet. Writing, acting, all sorts of music, all serve together to create this sort of an illusion. A different world. But, it happens only when it’s done properly. Everything has to be precise, because if you miss it by just one second, illusion breaks and nothing makes sense.  
-Is theatre the only thing you’re that passionate about? – He asked. - You’re too young to think only about your work.  
-Right now, it’s the only thing in my life makes sense.   
-We could, Anna. - He said and rubbed his palm across her knuckles. She couldn’t handle that touch. Somebody else would do that too. For a long time, it seemed like a different person but in moments like this, it reminded her it was actually her. Roughly, she yanked her hand from him and looked the other way. By the rising of the liquid in her hand, she knew he could see how hardly she was shaking.  
-Will you ever explain to me why you react like that?  
Before she could even say anything, couple of actor stormed into the hall and she rose to greet them. Within next couple of minutes, most of the cast came and they all congratulated on the successful premiere. Anna let them have a moment before she reminded them they still have at least another five times to play and should get to work.   
For most part of four hours rehearsal, she tried not to look at Benedict, which proved to be very hard. She knew nobody would find it particularly weird since she is a director of the play and it is her job to watch her actors. However, she was afraid of what her reaction to him could be and who could see it.   
Her reaction to physical contact was always to back from it, to run away from it. But, with Benedict, it felt different. It felt like all those songs and stories people wrote about love, lust and attraction finally started to feel less fake. Before that night came to her memory and she remembered why she made choices she did.  
After the final scene in which Benedict had to kiss an extremely attractive colleague, she gave them all applause. She has seen him do that so many times before at rehearsals, but it never bothered her. As much as he was convincing, she was aware it was just an act. But, now while she was watching him hug and embrace her, a string of jealousy hit her. It was ridiculous, she knew. After all, he made his move on her, quiet clearly and she rejected him. There was really no reason for her to feel the way she does. But, she has made her decision and planned to stick to it.   
So, she refused the drink offer from the cast and went home. Just as she filled her tub, somebody knocked on the door. Her stomach seemed to make some growl like sound which she didn’t understand. Half of her brain knew her stomach was reacting that way because she was hoping for a certain guest.   
But, when she opened the door somebody else came in.  
-Mary? - Anna asked when she saw her high school friend with her suitcases and sad look on her face. She surprised Anna by hugging her and starting to weep. - What it going on?  
-Chris and I broke up and I have no place to stay.  
-He kicked you out? - Anna always hated Chris. In her book, he was just a douche bag, no matter what Mary told her.  
-No, I left myself. Can I stay here for a while?  
-Of course. Is couch fine? You can even use the bubble bath. You need it more that I do.  
…..  
Benedict was sitting in his apartment, on one of the high chairs. He was drinking up his whiskey and watched the people who gathered around. Come to think of it, he didn’t know many of them. And, yes. He was aware of all the girls dancing, smiling and looking at him.  
But, now he finally understood what Anna meant when she told him about the girls in the spotlight. He knew most of them would sell themselves to be seen with him. Anna on the other hand had so many chances to be on covers of magazines, but she refused all of them.   
He was falling for her. Maybe it all started even before the kiss at the backstage on the premiere. She was beautiful, indeed. It wasn’t just the makeup. During their work together, she showed up visibly tired, sad, angry. He has seen entire spectra of emotion on her and he loved it. He felt like she was three dimensional, visible and approachable. Not to mention how talented and intelligent she is and how he illuminates from her every move. Her physical appearance is just another plus on top of everything else.   
He didn’t understand her reaction to his simple touch. Now he was afraid he has stepped over his boundaries. Maybe he was getting all the wrong signals and she was such trying to be professional.   
Something must have happened to her that has made her build up all these defenses around her. He didn’t want just to have sex with her. No, he wanted everything. He wanted her completely and he couldn’t quite understand why.  
-Hi, Ben.  
-Hi, Sarah. - He said when he saw his colleague from the play. She was beautiful, undoubtedly, but never his type.   
She took his glass from his hand and took a generous sip. He watched her lips as she did that. They were full and he had to imagine them on him. Then he remembered Anna. Her lips were soft and warm. She had no idea what she was doing but her closeness made him feel so good, so alive.  
But, Sarah was right in front of him and he needed something. He needed release. She was simple and was sending straight signals. She was not like Anna at all in every sense. He pulled her in and kissed her. She laughed into the kiss and pulled him towards him bedroom, ignoring whistle noises other Ben’s guest were making, knowing full well what is going to happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, but I was overwhelmed with school work and volunteering I didn't have much time to write. I promise I will update this more frequent. *pinkypromise*


End file.
